For Sale: The World's Worst Telephone/Internet Service, Telecommunications Company
News from the Honduras Bay Islands and North Coast
30 September 2000
By Pierre Renaldo, The Coastwatcher©

When you are all the way down to the bottom, as far as you can go, is it true that the only way you can go is up? Not if you are Hondutel, the government owned monopoly, controlled by the army, and milked by its generals.

This ridiculous excuse for a telephone company has found a way to descend even farther after reaching the very bottom. Here's how it works.

After years of giving little value for the money and accepting bribes to install new telephone "services", the government discovered that inefficiencies and waste were bleeding Hondutel. So much so, that it became a drain on the national treasury. Like so many other federal institutions, Hondutel was a tradition of long standing, a treasured golden goose of the military, and a "privilege" for those fortunate enough to be allowed to be subscribers.

The equipment initially installed was obsolete bargains cast off by telecommunications companies who were keeping pace with the times and upgrading to provide better service to their customers. Hondutel jumped at these wonderful deals, dollar signs glowing in their eyes, already counting the money they would make from this killing. Cheap equipment, coupled with outrageous monthly fees and hook up charges, was going to make somebody rich. However, it was not the government.

Here's another cost saving idea. Why not just cut back on maintenance and save a bundle there. Just sell new services and if they don't work long or even work at all, so what? Just collect the money and if anybody complains, tell them it will be fixed tomorrow. "We can't help it if you have no dial tone, lady. You owe for July, and if you don't pay we are going to disconnect."

Yet another cost saving idea was put into practice. Make everybody guess when the bills are ready every month and make them come in to get their phone bill. "No, you can't pay the bill here, stupid. You have to take it to a bank. Then bring back the receipt to prove you have paid and we will not disconnect your telephone.

"Hondutel can't be bothered by customers coming in to pay. Let the banks take care of that. We have enough work already! And if the customers don't like it, just shut off the telephones, right? They can't mess with Hondutel!"

The Republic of Honduras kept on getting deeper in the hole, and like political entities everywhere they found a quick solution to their problems. Just run the printing press. Make new money. Who is going to know? The people will not catch on. They are too undereducated (dumb) to understand what happens to the purchasing power of the national currency when the government runs the printing presses too often. So what if the peons can't afford much rice and beans. There are all too fat anyway.

Then one day the politicians decided that they could borrow their way out of debt. Why not? Other governments were doing it. Honduras should get a piece of that pie. Submit applications to the World Bank, they decided, and tell them how poor we are. Then we will have some dollars, and everything will be dandy.

"You have to divest yourselves of money losing government enterprises" said the World Bank (IMF). "We cannot lend money until you rid yourself of these losers like Hondutel. Sell this business to a private company, so you stop losing money. You do not know anything about running a telecommunications company anyway. Why, people here cannot even call an 800 number. And you still have the old pulse system and no touch tone dialing. In addition, you do not even have credit cards. Get out of the telephone company business and sell it to private enterprise."

That is when Hondutel went lower than the bottom. We frequently cannot make calls to the mainland, especially on weekends. Moreover, the Internet computers seem to be shut down on weekends too. No e-mails when the place is closed on Saturday and Sunday. Nobody is there watching the store.

It seems like the employees, knowing that their days are numbered have decided to do what they have always done. Just ignore everything. If it doesn't work, so what?

Nothing is working today, just like yesterday. We cannot get on the Internet. The Hondutel computer will not answer the telephone. We are at the fourth deadline for Honduras to sell control of Hondutel.

We are all waiting, hoping that somebody will be undereducated enough to buy this dog. The deadline for the compulsory sale has already been extended four times. If the government extends it again I wonder if we can go lower than the lowest low, below the bottom? If we are already lower than that can it be true that the only direction is up?

Somebody told me that there were some guys here last week installing some big drums, the kind made from hollow logs that they call the jungle telegraph, like they use in the deepest dark jungles. These technicians are going to be part of the new management team, to help make a smooth transition.

No long distance charges to call the mainland with that new drum system? Really? Boy, at last we are making some progress!

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By Pierre Renaldo, Mountain Coastal S.A,. General Contractors, Construction Management and Construction Consultants.